And Now, A Sunday Morning Commercial

CherryMax

(Found on Facebook; H/T to whoever came up with it)

Advertisements

Breaking News: New Olympics Logo Unveiled for 2014 Games!

Samuel L. Jackson Set to Star in Big-Budget Bio of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas

This is big news:

Hollywood was abuzz today with the news that Samuel L. Jackson has signed on to play radical conservative Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas in a movie planned for a Christmas 2014 release.

When asked about why he’d take on such a project, Jackson was characteristically blunt.

“Are you kidding me?  This will be theeasiest ten million dollars that anyone has ever made – legally or otherwise.  I only have to do one day of work, and I don’t even have to get out of my bathrobe.”

He elaborated, “All I have to do is a little voiceover work.  All of the visuals are just going to be my scenes from Django Unchained with the new voice parts – a little ‘corporations are people’ here and a little ‘Anita Hill’ there – and I’m good to go.”

The studio clarified what seemed to be a simplistic cinematography setup,  “Well, Samuel’s basically right, but there is a bit of a budget for some CGI – mostly switching cars out for the horses.”

Also in a somewhat unconventianal move, the justice’s wife, highly-paid Tea Party lobbyist Ginni Thomas, will be played by Maggie Gallagher, heretofore only known as a rabid opponent of same-sex marriage.

Said Gallagher, “Acting is a form of lying – and I’ve been lying about gay people and same-sex marriage for years now, so this won’t be much of a change – just in front of film cameras instead of on the internet and Fox News.”

With a wink, however, she did add, “It will be a heck of a pay cut, though.”

Jennifer Lawrence, eat your heart out.

PGN’s Mark Segal Gives Remarks To the Gay Community on His Paper’s Continuing Embrace of Victoria Brownworth

And just remember: the louder the opposition screams, the more we know we’re doing something right.

Possibly Archaeology

Rumor has it that this missive was posted on Facebook a week before the 2004 presidential election – when a dozen states also voted on anti-same-sex marriage amendments.

Allies in Understanding
Dear Americans,

There is a very difficult conversation happening right now that almost feels like it is not happening in our world. Our world. Our big beautiful world of American Exceptionalism. There are blog posts and Facebook speeches (yes, this one included), articles and arguments, terse posts and names called out, and names signed onto letters. In some ways, it doesn’t feel like a conversation at all.

Is there a way for us to reach through the noise to where we can grow understanding and build alliance, where no one is disappeared? Where are we going with this?

We need to ask this question because standing in the harsh wind of all of this noise, this noise that growls from every direction, is an American. A Christian, a Jew, a man, a woman, a Republican, a Democrat, a Libertarian – someone questioning – who are my countrymen? Also standing in that harsh wind are artists who make beautiful, liberating, important and powerful art that speaks to all of us, who are getting hurt. Performers who are boycotted because they defend marriage; whose recordings and movies are boycotted even if they disagree with other positions taken by we who defend marriage. At the same time, they are boycotted by some believers in traditional marriage because they disagree with other aspects of their worldview.

The cultural/political/economic very real power structure as it exists is made for none of us. It is as true today as it was over 200 years ago when the colonists stood up to the king. We are all still trying to learn how to live (how to survive!) in a world that doesn’t want us – any of us – to be who we are – and that act of remaining here, never fails to take its toll. That toll separates us from each other (in fact, that is a critical part of how the pagan, anti-capitalist structure stays in place). Aggressive speech and action become a strategy of coping. Those strategies become survival tools. Our own entrenched projections and assumptions replace listening and learning the truths of others, and we are left arguing with our own projections. In our battle for survival, lines are imagined, lines get drawn, lines that grow ever deeper.

I know the deep cost of this toll personally and professionally. I witness the destruction being done to some artists because of their projected alliance with the defense of traditional marriage, regardless of their criticism of or disagreement with it. Silencing artists, maligning their movies, throwing heat on someone’s FB page – this is cannibalizing our own. Artists speak out in defense of marriage for many reasons, and I do not ask nor assume that they are in agreement with every position that we take. Likewise, I do not assume if someone speaks out with criticism of our broader intentions, that they do not hold our shared belief in traditional marriage in their hearts; I continue to hold them as cherished members of the American tapestry.

We do not work, think or play in lockstep in America. We have no party line. There is a history of men, women, liberals and conservatives voicing dissent that is as old as America itself, and the Unites States is richer for every struggle we face together with open hearts and respect. Many workers and executives, soldiers and pacifists have different opinions, thoughts, analysis and passions about this issue. As we struggle through our thinking, we use language, concepts and frameworks that span generations of opinions, and we still come together as a nation. But we must come together to discuss these divergent points of view, and to remain in a dialogue that includes all of our multiple truths. We must see each other through what can feel like the most challenging stalemate.

The voice of dissent and constructive debate in our American community is critical – it is part of what built this nation. Educating ourselves about oppressions that press down on each of us and upon each other is vital to our collective survival on and off the land. This must be our commitment, for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our community. We must face up to our worst natures by confronting homophobia in our nation, which exists and is real in our language, actions and attitudes. I know that this process has made me search my own behaviors, attitudes and actions. But to grow we must actually engage in these incredibly hard conversations, and do our own personal work.

At the same time we are facing an extremely complex and entrenched set of perceptions and constructs that call into question the very reality of the centuries of understanding of the definition of marriage here, in North America – and even moreso throughout the world. Our world. The world where the violent and real repression of believers in traditional marriage has barely been acknowledged, much less dismantled.

So I ask again, where are we going with this? I stand firm in the belief that we must, as a community, honor and support all Americans. I also stand firm in the belief that marriage is the union of one man and one woman. We cannot be afraid to love the gorgeous diversity and particularity of our lived experiences as Americans, nor allow fear to prevent us from loving, hearing and recognizing, as vital parts of our greater community, Americans of all experiences and faiths. Whether we agree or disagree on this point, I ask you to join me in my commitment to treat all Americans with respect, and without aggression. One of our strongest tools as we work through this process of defining our interlocking circles of community is the art and music created by Americans. Artists who reflect our own truths, those with whom we disagree, and those who help us see new perspectives that will help us grow to unknown places. Please support these Americans.

Our disagreement about self-perceived sexualities and the need for autonomous space today may feel insurmountable – and yet I am sure that we will find a way through this. There is too much at stake for us to lose our selves to each other.

In faith,
Maggie

Yes, rumor has it that this missive was posted on Facebook a week before the 2004 presidential election…

but its a rumor that should be believed to the same degree as purveyors of trans-exterminationist bigotry when claiming to not be trans-exterminationist bigots.

A Touching Tribute

From Pride’s Purge:

Miners agree to be beaten up today in honour of Margaret Thatcher

I just hope that my filing of this under ‘satire’ proves to be accurate.

Modern Republican Policy set to Iambic Pentathalon

BonerClavin