Prepare for the Upcoming Bleacher Creature Double Feature of a Lifetime!

First up: Pope Derby 2013!

Followed by TERF War!

Now, if only Jay Leno could FINALLY book both Patrick Duffy and Joey Lawrence on the same edition of the Tonight Show to make it a triple feature, all would be right with the world…

until tomorrow.

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Tonight, Bill Hicks Smiles

From CNN:

Jimmy Kimmel says he feels bad hurting other peoples’ feelings, but he makes an exception for Jay Leno because “I don’t believe Jay Leno has actual feelings.”

The “Jimmy Kimmel Live” host, who has mocked Leno in the past, revisits his dislike for “The Tonight Show” host in a new interview with Playboy.

“He doesn’t seem to be that worried about other people’s feelings,” Kimmel told the magazine.

The comedian went on to say, regarding his show monologue, “If I can imagine Jay Leno telling a joke, then I won’t do it, even if it’s a good joke.”

And tonight – as every night – I await the Patrick Duffy – Joey Lawrence episode of Leno’s Tonight Show.

Pic of the Day: Nov. 19, 2012 (‘Bud Adams and Bill Hicks Were Both Alive When This Was Taken and it Makes Me Ill to Realize Which One of the Two Still is’ Edition)

Prior to the Monday Night Football game between the Houston Oilers and the Chicago Bears, at the Astrodome, Houston, Texas, Dec. 7, 1992 (one of Mike Ditka’s last games as head coach of ‘da Bears.)

Des Moines Register: Lying, Destroying American Jobs for Personal Profit, and Tax Evasion Add up to a “Fresh” Vision

From the Romney-purchased entity that used to be a newspaper called the Des Moines Register:

Mitt Romney emerges the stronger candidate.

Emerges from what?  The ass of whatever bag man delivered the cash to buy this eleventh-hour endorsement?

The former governor and business executive has a strong record of achievement in both the private and the public sectors.

Totally disproven.

He was an accomplished governor in a liberal state.

The same state – as is the case with every state other than Utah (whose mormon-owned largest newspaper endorsed Obama) in which he has lived claimed to live for various forms of tax purposes – whose citizenry, a citizenry that actually lived under a Romney ‘administration,’ is poised to vote against him by at least a 30-point margin on November 6th?  That state?

He founded and ran a successful business that turned around failing companies.

Wow…

Where does the late DMR get its copy writers?  The flunk-out list from first -semester journalism classes?  Why not just cut-and-paste in a Romney campaign talking point sheet…

oh, wait – that would appear to be precisely what was actually done.

The next time this lying, tax-cheating, draft-dodging, job-destroying con artist creates a job for someone not named Romney, it will be the first.

Memo to all who are in any way connected to the Des Moines Register:  Find Bill Hicks’ routine about the immediately-post Johnny Carson Tonight Show (just do a google search for “satan’s cock”; I’m sure it will be at the top of the list.”)  Found it?  Good.  Now, any time you hear “Jay Leno,” replace it with “Des Moines Register.”

And, while you’re at it, book Patrick Duffy and Joey Lawrence to be the entertainment at the DMR Xmas party this year.

You’ve earned it.

Twilight of American Grey Matter

(I have no idea who came up with this image, but if the artist or artists in question are not nominated for a Pulitzer, then there should be no more Pulitzers; personally, I’m hoping that it was the work of Bill Hicks’ ghost)

If He Actually Said This…

Then, on general principle, I might actually have to – even if temporarily – suspend my desire for Bill Hicks’ dream regarding Jay Leno, Patrick Duffy and Joey Lawrence to come true.