When the History of What Was the United States of America is written, the Final Chapter Will Read:

While they slept – either comatose from the L-Tryptofan of Iraq War (profiteering) engorgement and the oxycontin of trickle-down christianist sham economics that harmed the very disenfranchised white supremacists it had been sold to as a cure for all ills, or latently anencephalous via ‘reality’ television tales of fake lives grounded in substanceless nonachievement – the bear that Ronald Reagan had warned them about entered their homes and devoured them all. But it was not a communist bear; instead, aided by the most diseased monster that multiple American immoralities could cobble together into one clown, it was a bear amped up on the very capitalistic economic steroid that Reagan died believing saved the world by selling…

to a Russian bear.

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